desiderata

by starklove

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about

starklove - "desiderata" will be available from Bartleby Records on October 20, 2010 (digital release on October 10, 2010).

credits

released October 20, 2010

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

starklove New York, New York

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Contact starklove

Track Name: Only The Paranoid Survive
sacrifice yourself
come on do it
if you really believe in your music show me a sign
Track Name: Reaper Doesn't Wait
(starklove)
one man's floor
one man's ceiling
positive thoughts
negative feelings
stress and love and sex and war
god and drugs and death and whores
hope and pain and strength and gains
contextual frames and mind games
trips and traps and mental snaps
blisters, blood, hugs and love taps
forced relapse from clasped synapse
fallin back on old habits
can't hack it
still can't grow past it
fuckin tragic last thoughts
because
"don't turn it off" because
there's just not enough time left
to continue to live in compromising positions
compromising my ambitions
the final edition
the final call so listen

(hook)
the reaper doesn't wait
might as well face fate
or turn fate around
about face and take the weight

(hAbiB)
like taking the stairs in my building
i hope i make it down
and if you make a sound
if you’re really prepared for the feeling
i broke the dutch on down and spread the guts around
homie looked dead but he chillin
watching a fucked up civilian
a faint smell
hit him in the ill wind
it won’t restrain for the powder
but the powder magic
make him reappear again
grim weird
scratch my beard thin
support
work recurring
you’re stuck paying arrears again
so my years are running thin
like the front under my brim
what you want?
money again
huh?
money again?
huh?
let me begin from the top
what if we started from the end
since my soul stays warm should i stop?
you could say my imagination’s fuckin up the block

(hook)
Track Name: Rigged
(hook)
(Sarah Tracey)
how can it be?
they don't know?
they don't know?
all of these years?
they don't know?
they don't know?
tell you what it is
they don't know
they don't know
everything is rigged
now you know
now you know

(Big Pep)
i’m addicted to life
i’m addicted to drugs
i’m addicted to hate
i’m addicted to love
everything in my life’s fucked up
i wanna bang out like the crips and the bloods
but i can’t cuz i gotta maintain
but i will if you don’t respect my game
i got a whole lotta pain inside
and that’s the reason why i get high, right?
i dunno man
can’t call it
i’m burnt out plus i’m an alcoholic
two strikes against me • come and get me
but if i go some of y’all are coming with me
i chase henny with shots of whiskey
shit b, i got more bills than bixbie
this be the truth i raise my hand to god
on one knee and ask how my life is hard?
oh babyso crazy
i’ma do what i do don’t hate me
ain’t nobody perfect
who are you to judge me?
you either take me as i come but don’t love me
don’t hug me
don’t touch me
don’t test me
don’t stress me
so focused yet so hopeless
cut me open i can show you where the dope is
right here man
all year man
i got love for the weed and the beer man
get it clear man
somebody had me convinced
that my dreams were in the bottom of that beercan
but i’m still here offa sheer perseverance
break my pride
but can’t break my spirit
duct tape his mouth shut
tie his hands and feet up
head back to the hut and roll that weed up

(hook)

(starklove)
how the fuck do you think we even got this far?
my last twenty bucks dropped at the bar
into something, it's no good… but what isn't?
good things become no good with too much of it
illicit substances
girls with no substance and late nights, rough days
can't get enough of it
i'm past that now
on second thoughts, pass that down
i'll take one for the road
but then i gotta go
can't just say no
temptations
no patience
get bad vibrations
get the breath knocked out my chest
can't sleep, can't rest
can't not get depressed
the way they push stress
extinction agendas
you know the means where the fuck you think we'll end up?
the send up's the whole thing's a set up
your greatest desire's your greatest demise
but these bald faced liars keep telling me differently
questioning me
why can't I simply see?
is it just me?
or could it be the whole thing's rigged up?

(hook)
Track Name: Melophobia Redux
all day and night, cowering in fear
can't help but fear
the end must be near
the music is bleeding
through the wall
can't see where it's leading
drags me down
deep into my core
seeps into my pores
speaking foreign words
so familiar they'll kill you
melophobia
fear of music
i couldn't sing a different tune if i could choose it
can't get away from music, but can't get too close to it
there's no room for me
but music won't let me be
passing cars
doubled-over passed out at bars
get nauseous from muzak in supermarkets
can't ride in elevators!
dj pull back the fader!
i can't take it!!
i'm fuckin going crazy!!!

it wasn't always like this
music once my muse
a mistress i abused
she came back with a vengeance
speaking loud, but no sense so music became senseless
now everything's the same
every song on the radio's the same
every record i hear sounds the same
dug beneath the surface, but even there felt worthless
an underground fractured
record snobs, burnt-out ravers and backpackers
drag myself back to home
bombarded by garbage pouring out of cars and bodegas
don't get me started
ipods and boomboxes
any joint the dj drops is obnoxious
anything to stop this!
finally asked god for help
the choir drove me away
guess i can't even be saved
Track Name: Insufficient Funds
(Big Pep)
i'm a victim of society
son they lied to me
they told me i could be as rich as i tried to be
man tried bribery
chanced with the lottery
everything from nine-to-five to strong arm robbery
ain't nothing stopping me if i think logically
i could get money across the board like monopoly
that's the way it's supposed to be but these cat's is holding me
praying i don't make it while they’re clinging to their rosary
they wanna kill me cause they know ain't no controlling me
but i'm quick enough to not let em get close to me
on point i could see them all approaching me
like they bout to try and put one over me
they run and hide when the thetherkness hits
but everything you do in the dark will soon come into the light again
and ain't no where that you can run n hide we runnin by
with automatic semi's tellin you to hold yo hands up high

(hook)
get em up hit em up move em out
load it up cock it back shoot it out
these are hard times i'm on a hard grind
don't slip and get get caught on the wrong side
get em up hit em up move em out
load it up cock it back shoot it out
i'ma burn it down i'ma rip it up
on the strenth all i got is insufficient funds

if i learned early life ain't fair then why should i care
they treat me like a bum when they stop and they stare
like they never saw somebody who was down on there luck
every penny that i got is my styrofoam cup
i'm tryin to add to it, i take nickels n dimes
aluminum cans i'm collecting whatever i find
i'm at the off ramp holdin a sign
but don't nobody wanna help me out because they think i'm prone to get high
i just wish i could die you ain't feelin my pain
i ain't got nothin to lose and nothin to gain
i ain't got nothin to get nothin to give
i'm even comin up short on a reason to live
i wanna take time and go back
but the laws of nature say that i can't
nobody is given a 2nd chance it's hard to advance
when hittin rock bottom wasn't part of the plans

(hook)
i'd sit alone with the heat pressed against my brain
tryin to find a way to stop this relentless pain
a rebel without a cause up against the grain
cause i'm the king of the castle up in this domain
i tried but it's hard to resist the game
it's crazy cause somehow i'm convinced i'm sane
but some people don't see things the way i do
that just means they don't comprehend the way i move
i ain't fresh off the boat i done paid my dues
turned my back for a second they changed the rules
now they say it's ok for you to blaze your tool
but it's wrong if i pull out and aim at you
flame at you and let you feel the heat
for all the nights i went hungry then went to sleep
but now they got me in the gate and i'ma break the game
with more fire and more desire than rick james

(hook)
Track Name: Skyline
(hAbiB)
most of the sum from the crumble
shell rocks In a jar at rockstar jungle
the cops are the enemy, hAbiB's the akbar
jock for identity, what does he cock for?
at a mach or more you're still slower
after the shot if you're still sober
the gift done spilled over
my lisp a little slower
he into covert hizzop hozzop
since his own birth i wrote rhymes instead of homework
look at me now, my mental slate
just slave me to the pen
i like this state
just slave me to the pen
just erase me
never been
i ever was dope
i think it look better cuz
with the show done got me cooked and hooked on better drugs
whatever he was gonna be i admit
the better the grudge the better the intent
we the pimps
we the two-bit hustler
slang talking
it's the show get used to it
young in love putting the strap on his waist
and he keeps smoking the fire til it blackens his face
i'ma keep quoting the times
stop attacking my race
we the spoken messiah
the keynoted town crier
we floated off the semen a little higher
we getting wrote-off
he took his coat off
nuff for the street

(hook)
time to peep my sky
how you like my skyline?
so i guess my time in
could never get me in when my time's out?
how the fuck my depression become an incentive?
and they frisk every ninja that i come in with
early morning i'm in front of cameras blunt in my lip
megas talk real, but they ain't got the stomach for this
but he bought steel
still he know is hunger a risk
his heart feel it's part ill
industry narcville
still he feel they plotting on his hungry
a $100 t-shirt and cotton ain't gettin money?
we on new plantations with whips
the horse is the white powder the sniff
i don't just fight
i fight for the power and myth
i'm '89 realigned with the life in the brick
if the pipe hit much better
she walk with her head up rocking the dirty sweater
we all knew her some time ago
i thought he'd pursue her
the show's starting here we go
the ho’s stroll darted from the po's
he got a wife but loves to see them broads on a pole
i could bargain and roll
you take this money for a good soul
i take it dunny like to fake it
mistaken for a good flow
but no it's nothing but the truth looped in tempo
far beyond the booth, the art and clothes
i rise but the skyline’s as far as it goes

(hook)
Track Name: The Way Things Work
…for the brothers and let em know
what goes on
well...
Track Name: Third Person
(starklove)
a lighter touch
a heavier weapon
he wants answers
keeps getting more questions
his day's spent trying to pay rent
up late nights til daylight
wondering where his days went
his credit's maxed out
enough cards, not a thing still
his portfolio's in a jar and it jingles
don't call him a packrat
he's more of a collector
souvenirs of yesteryears
yes, they're here
trapped in the mines for a month and a day
spat all his lines left with nothing to say
threw it all away
i pity the bastard
all that work in the trash sure is nervous
sometimes it feels like he'll never finish
all these blemishes
can't compromise perfection
is it doubts that he has that really hold him back?
or can he not see the future for the past?

(hook)
if he knew then
what he knows now
would he do then
what he knows now
was the wrong thing to do?
perspective
reflected the truth
any less than third person's the wrong point of view


(hAbiB)
he might not never learn the law
but if he do his temper stays to iffy to let him draw
what the world got against him?
as if he was never born
i know that trife-ass mega
his rhymes ain’t really raw
with them big words he’s using
the substances he’s abusing
does he really talk how he’s living?
or just giving what he saw?
yo i don’t trust his position
is he with us or against us?
plus he stutters when talk
his walk reminds me of a bad western
i heard he likes to fuck with weapons
most nights see him at the intersections
where the planets meet the pavement
he from newark so we expected it
but why’s he so heavy in that slave shit
he ride transit like he own it
never made no money off the mic since he could hold it
he’s original
we’re all cloning
Track Name: Last Night
(Big Pep)
woke up in the morning
damn near lost my mind
wishing i was blind
somebody tried to rob me for mine
ain't trying to see this
recalling events of last evening
in the park dolo
sipping the nectar of the demons
the sector i was leaning
had a chick squatting
a dutch between two fingers
head bopping to her ipod
she thinks i'm talking
i'm styling for free
but she took off her headphones
and started smiling at me
now she's coming over
nice dimensions
walking slightly swishing
turned around
it sure was worth hittin
mad giddy
already twisted off a fifth of henny
taking guesses
on was she walking up to get me
she's next to me
and act quick
i think of sex
and let her hold my brown bag
and hit her with 20 questions
like what's your name?
where you from?
where you going?
can i get a few pulls
off that dutch you been holding?
you're bullshitting
if you rolled it gotta smoke it
she told me my aggressive nature had her eye on me
she had another dime but was short on a dutch
we copped two
headed to the rest and kicked our feet up
we're vibin
chillin
watching films on the projected ceiling
feeling the hen
the way you got my shirt peelin off my body
her scent in the air
let me know her stuff was soggy
plus i'm ready to pump like a shotty

(hook)
last night
this chick thought she caught me sleeping
but i'm ready cuz i know how freaks
come out on the weekend
last night
this chick's game was out of order
as i watched every move she made
on my tape recorder

it's all too much to absorb
my head is in between the jaws
as she's illin on the floor
debating should i hit raw?
i think i better strap up
cuz i don't know her
from a hole in the wall
went to the bathroom
for a couple rubbers
couldn't believe
what the tape uncovered
as i watched
my body shuttered
it revealed how she slipped a pill
in the remainder of my spill
and in my crib
this bitch got ill
continue footage
here's where it gets good
it's 3 o'clock in the morning
and this hooker found my goodness
lighting up my dutches
as she fumbled through my drawers
dropping ashes on my back
as i'm spread on the floor
picking up the phone to make a call
as i seen every number she hit
before she put the phone back on the wall
20 minutes later 3 dudes walked in
tools with a push truck
like they're about to start moving
loading up my tv
carried out my sofa
the biggest ninja
strapped my dresser on his shoulders
i only got a few minutes
before this tape is over
she had to know
that i would hunt her when i'm sober
and when i catch her
better be ready with the stretcher
just for having the gall to walk out rockin my leather
and as for them megas she's with
they're all foul
cuz the bitch left their number
on my redial
Track Name: Getting Past Airport Security
i hate when you stall me
when all i got’s a quarter ounce of collie
and yeah there's also that gram of molly
but with this shit i couldn't highjack a trolly
yo what the fuck?
these dogs are sniffing for drugs
not sniffing for bombs
when this is out of my hands
but it's still my problem
all their fault
not my schism
but if you're living in fear
then you’re just not living
the world didn't change
you just woke up
coked up presidents and big guns
don't mix well
especially when it sits well
with citizens that sit well
staring at their fake news
take you for example
looking through my bags
you’re not gonna find it
you didn't last time
if it's it i'll do time
it's a risk but it's mine
your laws are outdated
been out since ‘38
in 2001 no future
but what passed is
you failed at your task
if you'd been looking for these bastards
not how i get blasted
perhaps it wouldn't have happened?
they don't search me on amtrak
but a redeye from bc it’s easy getting a free man trapped
caught in the man trap
legal eagles who entrap me
just what happened
to we the people pursue happiness?

your drug policy's a fallacy
it's all i see
I got no beef still k9s follow me
not democracy
understand hipocracy
uncle scam him oughta be
taking his hands off of me
the cia put crack in the cities
then went MIA when it came back to the kiddies
loose on playgrounds
goose duck duck
stay down
cartels don't play around
they spray rounds
a life in fear of monsters you created
drug lords you made and bugged whores with AIDS
and you wonder why i wanna be sedated?
made it out through the gate
safe and sound too
it's straight up pound foolish but pennywise
you can fly the friendly skies on henny ice
but not any vice
choosing my pastime's a choice to get harrassed
i'm lucky so far
wait
there's always a last time

got me standing in a back room
the wrong time
all you wanna do is turn that screw and uncork me
take it if you want it then
now that you've found what counts
had half a mind to take half an ounce and have no doubts
if it was cabot house you wouldn't give a fuck
but because i prefer to puff i get cuffed?
it's a fucked up way to live
i can eat mcdonald's until i die but i can't get high?
it's unconstitutional
constitutes treason
i'm lucky that lawyers retain retainers for a reason
my last call's bleeding
my last quarter out of me
why didn't i leave that last quarter ounce
and let it be
getting me stressed out
i need to make a call
i'm no criminal
you need a wake up call
because if war is hell
a drug war is hell
counsellor, i'm at security and i need help
Track Name: Snakes in the Grass
(Big Pep)
ayo these dudes is talking reckless
like they know me
c’mon homie you know you ain’t got nothing for me
i push the whip sitting on 22’s
you’re pushin 22 sitting on your momma’s stoop
we ain’t the same breed
you ain’t in my league
i’m mach-eight out this bitch
you ain’t catching me
you ain’t stretching me
you don’t threaten me
you talk big but ain’t a bit of it impressing me
big pep
dirty jerz
get it down now
i got a buzz now these people wanna crowd around
chicks running up just to pull my trowsers down
and shake hands with the champ
and try to get a round

(starklove)
(watch your step)
cuz there's snakes in the grass
slither straight in your path to put a blade in ya back
not makin it back
got you locked in a tight spot
you might think you understand it but you might not
it's a rat race run at a fast pace
these rat bastards wanna push you back to last place
so they cut corners
cut throats
cut off all hope of you making it off the ropes
so careful who you trust
they thrive on your belief in trust
use it to truss you up
they couldn't be more devious
life is do or die
not you or i
we're past that
don't kid yourself… backstabbers get stabbed back
Track Name: Static and Signal
(Sarah Tracey)
there is a station on my radio
singing the sweetest silences to me
and when i tune in
it's all-consuming
can't help but let it
annihilate me

can you hear my transmission
does it broadcast the words i speak?
is the static too thick?
is my signal too weak?
Track Name: They Chat Breeze
state of the industry

sweating to death
nevertheless i'm better than dead
collapsed my lung
son there's sweat on my breath
claustrophobic in a crowd
not so stoic is it now?
god you know i figured it out
lost it though it's in the clouds
slipped my mind
i slip sometimes
but i trust that there's still time left
to pick this thing up out the dust
time to roll on them
tried to be civil but got no hold on them
spilled my guts
and poured my whole soul on them
still they can't get on my level
tell me to seckle
better to sweat though
than to deal with these devils
can't take the heartache
- i get hurt
watching cnn
become the cartoon network
while clear channels
sell stereotypes and souls
channelzero
leave a boardroom full of holes
stolen souls
broken bones sticks and stones
they're making a mockery
of every memory i own

they chat breeze man
don't even believe them
why lie?
what's the reason why
they chat breeze man
Track Name: Losing Me
(hAbiB)
i wake up in the morning and i ask myself
should i sign this deal and broadcast myself?
court-ordered drug screen don’t pass itself
child support the royalty before i cash my check
respect for the corners
got foreign dialects for detective and warrant squads
before they even know me
i’m sitting on that brick wall
denzel or tony, ma?
he outta pocket
this is not his environment
and they don’t like the product
but everybody buying it from him
even after i trimmed back the cut in mine
with a plate of food
it’s suppertime
stay hating on ya dude
but i don’t use the word blatant
the curb did the making now i’m here preferred placement
am i deserving your hatred?
probably
you ain’t never learned the basics
me and woo in the spaceship
pass me the blunt over the ave
and smoke til we got to dating
and passed it back...
that’s jurassic rap we’re making

(ohhhh baaaby
you’re loooooosing me)
Track Name: Life in Samsara
i swear to god
the fucking pentagon reads my IMs
feds intercept my texts
to detect where i am
and everybody's watching me
through cameras and peepholes
undercover agency moles
pretending to be people
covert ops
cops can't be trusted
wars on "terruh"
terrible inevitable destruction
a false god's revelations
scrawled on senseless pages
pagan faiths for the faithless
pagan deaths for the nameless
a thin line
between civilization and chaos
and it's starting to feel
like we may cross it
nuclear holylands stand
and stare each other down
shots in the desert
in the streets
the playgrounds
stay down
some days i don't want to get up
remind myself
there's reasons to not let up
life in samsara
too easy forgetting truths
venoms mirror wisdoms
don't let these poisons
get the best of you

it's just energy gone wrong
wisdom spoiled rotten
deaths died in vain
lives lived forgotten
minds killed stalking
truths that can't be hunted
shoot at every hunter
growth grown stunted
devolution disguised as evolution
let's get this straight
there's no place for confusion
reality is NOT illusion
but the truth is it's contaminated
with illusory pollution
knowing this still my worst fears haunt me
is this paranoia
or justified paranoia?
hold ya voice up
ECHELON's listening
don't even whisper, think or breathe dissent
the thought police believe that
what they don't believe is treasonous
black helicopters stalk me
still i walk these blocks see
you can't keep a free man down
you can't snuff a free mind out
but if these poisons overcome us
we might be wiped out

left cash-strapped when the coffers
for the black helicopters passed
you paid that tax
get your dollar back!
ground-to-air wisdom
products of the system
dismantle systems
unplug from the visions
freedom is yours
consciousness is not just this
there's back doors and ways out
ways to get back pure
blissfreedomindivisible
escape the cycle kill-at-will
escape your fuckin cubicles
society boxed in
society locked in
they got us right where they want us
but not much longer
you gotta understand
these addictions, delusions,
obsessions, persecutions,
oppressions, submissions
are all corrupt visions of wisdom
turned inside out
we have to learn to get right now
before these poisons
eat us alive from the inside out
Track Name: The Most Dangerous Thing in the World
(starklove)
this is the final call
minus all mixed messages, red herrings and sedatives
i hope you can deal with that
i hope you can deal with facts
the fact is…
what works in theory often fails in practice
woke up this morning felt the earth shift on its axis
went to sleep bleeding tears in the mattress
can’t seem to get past this

(hook)
(Jenny Klock)
there's a love that's growing
i can feel it rising
and i hate not knowing
if it's strong enough
or strong at all
but life keeps on going
endlessly cyclings
every day spent hoping
this day is the day the fear will fall

(Mr. Merlin)
you lurk inside me
everytime I look around you’re right behind me
you’re my mirror
and I can’t stand my reflection
i search for truth, but all i see is deception
a world without you is what i need
no more seeds, my garden is overrun with weeds
how did i ever let you push me this far?
all that's left is bruises and scars
you are the lifeline that feeds me darkness and pain
tears followed by rain
has made every day the same
you've driven me insane, but at least you drove me somewhere
left me for dead
chest open and bare
you can't control me and you can't hold me
i am now in a place where you can no longer mold me
your death will be fast as twice as your birth
you can't control me i have proven my worth

(hook)
Track Name: BK is the Tundra
i hate how you live
like it's the dark ages
fuck AIDS
ignorance kills more
plus it's way more contagious
face it
you see life in black and white
you can't globalize
your grasp on the past's too tight
but it's about time that we change that fact
move forward cuz we can't backtrack
you wanna go back like a fuckin sad sack
then we'll leave youfor dead in the past
that's that
eye for an eye muthafucka
that's that
racists with their face split
that's that
biggots get their heads splitted
that's that
corrupt cops tasting their own blackjacks
cuz brooklyn is the tundra
it's a blank slate
the real melting pot
a last shot for the human race
this is the future
i'm out here to be closer to it
and leave the past in ruins
cuz that's all it's doing
estonians and jamaicans
hasidics and heathens
human beings are alive and breathing
no need to divide
divisions dilute the meanings
this is raw freedom
nothing left to lose
this is our freedom
nothing left but truth
they take all our freedoms
what the fuck do we do?
you better get up and do something
(NOW!)
Track Name: Knuckledragger
my life is too real, my brain filters it out
dilutes it
i can't figure it out
so i use mind expansion to find enhancement
and push the envelope
so…
this world, this garbage
all this shit's pathetic
but i bet it'd just fall away if i let it
i lit it, i hit it, i flipped my fuckin biscuit
and the next thing i knew people got distant
listen
hell's on earth, but heaven's in your mind
but you wouldn't understand
nevermind
white clouds in heaven like white clouds in my spoon
try not to get consumed by white walls in my room
if you wait to be saved then you wait forever
i burn my lips on hot glass for a taste of heaven
and it's the same [INAUDIBLE]
i swear to god to this day paradise is a [INAUDIBLE]
but basic fact states i had to face it
is life a masquerade of lasting pain lain wasted?
or can we change it?

you had me believing
that i could be something
then left me standing here
holding on to nothing
it can't be all or nothing
you can't see how i'm suffering
struggling to be right
while being left
with nothing
fuck that!
you don't even know me
nobody knows me
i don't even know me
but i know together
we progress…
[INAUDIBLE]
[TRANSMISSION TERMINATED]
Track Name: Backfloat with Submerged Ears
reality is not as it appears...
nor is it otherwise
Track Name: blissfreedomindivisible
om mani padme hum